The past two weeks have been especially crazy in our house. Chris has been traveling, working and studying. The boys have been sick. I have been sick, and tee ball practice has started. All these things created bumps in our nice and easy breezy schedule. One thing that has been consistent is the attitudes of our boys. There have been instances with both of our oldests that have stopped us in our tracks the past few days where we just kind of look at each other in agreement of how special they are. Now, this is not saying that they can't act like 5,3 and 1 year olds but for the most part, man, they are something else. Chris came home from a business trip the other week and just like in the movies, when the front door opens and Daddy walks in the boys RUN towards the door giving his legs big hugs. Sometimes, I think they have supersonic ears because they can hear the turn of the key from all the way upstairs. This certian night was different though. We had been eating dinner in the kitchen and James and Lucas were loving their pizza so much they didn't quite care that Chris was home. Chris drops off his briefcase and kissed me hello then starts to talk to the boys about their day. Before he could get a word in James asks Chris, "DADDY!! Did you bring home our baby girl??" As the lump in our throats grew, Chris told him "no", but he would soon. Chris and I just looked at each other in awe of our sweet boys. They fight, argue, and tattle BUT they love each other and their attitudes of happines and love are so present that it reminds us why we're a family. Baby girl, your brothers and Mommy and Daddy will wait for you. We pray that you'll be safe until we bring you home.
I walked into James school one day last month and I'd been worrying about our adoption throughout the week because not only had we been going over our financial timeline and all of those zeros were starting to weigh heavy on my mama shoulders but there had been talks with the Women's Ministry in Addis about the program and I feared that it would be somehow changed. There was a small basket on the table by the director's office and it had all of these bracelets in there. Betsy, the director saw me eyeing them and she sweetly said, "take one! take as many as you'd like!". I picked one up for myself and I read the inscription, "GOD IS BIG ENOUGH". Big, bold and staring me in the face. I must have been hormonal that day because I looked at Betsy, with my teary eyes and told her, "you have no idea how much I needed to see that right now". I realized that I hadn't surrendered. He had told me that He'd work it out, all is well, I will show you.... I had forgotten that. How could I have forgotten that? Chris and I aren't "big enough". Our family isn't "big enough" (no pun intended) but God is. He's got our backs even when we forget it needs to be covered. I was talking to a friend of mine one day and I asked her what it was like going from three kids to four kids and she said, "You know what? God gives you exactly what you need. Not before, not after but RIGHT when you need it." She was right...man, was she right.
I have gone back and forth and back and forth trying to figure out if I indeed wanted to start up an adoption blog. I read so many and am invested in my food blog that I write, I just didn’t know if I would have time, or to be perfectly honest, the energy to write another one. But I’ve been revisiting all our feelings about the call to adopt from Ethiopia and my insecurities began to creep in the past few days. Just the small thoughts I hear in the back of my mind about what we’ll see, the stresses that will occur, the money that will be spent. I thought if I started writing again it would reaffirm the purpose of our decisions. The call was truly laid upon our hearts in the middle of the night a long long time ago. I was awake last night, like the night I woke Chris up in the middle of the night after hours of tears, talks, and promises. I think that night was the first time I had really, truly, from the deepest part of me said “ok”, and meant it. In all honesty, Chris didn’t want to go to Africa, he didn’t want to be “that family” with the black child. He knew there were kids everywhere that needed a home so why Ethiopia?? Why did we have to be different?? I finally said “ok”. I gave in, settled in my tears for the evening. We’d start over, look at all the programs again…begin from scratch. I sat up that night thinking about our daughter. Where was she? Will she be treated well? Who will take care of her? Who will take care of all the babies? God’s children, like the one that was blissfully sleeping down the hall from us, snuggled up knowing that his mommy would wake him up with a smile, a back pack and breakfast in the morning. A whirlwind of emotions covered me that night while Chris slept. Later that night I heard the sweet voice of God. I’m not one to readily admit that. I’ve only told a few people about it because it’s very precious to me. People do all kinds of crazy things “because God told them to” so it just seems easier sometimes to come up with another reason to tell people why we needed to across the globe to bring a daughter home. It’s the truth though he spoke to me, I knew it was Him and He gave me peace that night. He told me where we needed to go and that Chris would be completely ok with it, not to worry, that He would show us when, where and how everything will be put into place.I sat in bed for a while trying to figure out what to do with myself and decided to wake Chris up. It was 2 am in the morning and I shook him awake. In my best “I know this sounds crazy but…” voice I told him what had happened. Chris woke up the next morning affirming in faith that we’d be adopting from Ethiopia. Each day since then God has shown us that we’re doing the right thing. This is His plan, not ours.