He spoke, we answered...

I have gone back and forth and back and forth trying to figure out if I indeed wanted to start up an adoption blog. I read so many and am invested in my food blog that I write, I just didn’t know if I would have time, or to be perfectly honest, the energy to write another one. But I’ve been revisiting all our feelings about the call to adopt from Ethiopia and my insecurities began to creep in the past few days. Just the small thoughts I hear in the back of my mind about what we’ll see, the stresses that will occur, the money that will be spent. I thought if I started writing again it would reaffirm the purpose of our decisions. The call was truly laid upon our hearts in the middle of the night a long long time ago. I was awake last night, like the night I woke Chris up in the middle of the night after hours of tears, talks, and promises. I think that night was the first time I had really, truly, from the deepest part of me said “ok”, and meant it. In all honesty, Chris didn’t want to go to Africa, he didn’t want to be “that family” with the black child. He knew there were kids everywhere that needed a home so why Ethiopia?? Why did we have to be different?? I finally said “ok”. I gave in, settled in my tears for the evening. We’d start over, look at all the programs again…begin from scratch. I sat up that night thinking about our daughter. Where was she? Will she be treated well? Who will take care of her? Who will take care of all the babies? God’s children, like the one that was blissfully sleeping down the hall from us, snuggled up knowing that his mommy would wake him up with a smile, a back pack and breakfast in the morning. A whirlwind of emotions covered me that night while Chris slept. Later that night I heard the sweet voice of God. I’m not one to readily admit that. I’ve only told a few people about it because it’s very precious to me. People do all kinds of crazy things “because God told them to” so it just seems easier sometimes to come up with another reason to tell people why we needed to across the globe to bring a daughter home. It’s the truth though he spoke to me, I knew it was Him and He gave me peace that night. He told me where we needed to go and that Chris would be completely ok with it, not to worry, that He would show us when, where and how everything will be put into place.  I sat in bed for a while trying to figure out what to do with myself and decided to wake Chris up. It was 2 am in the morning and I shook him awake. In my best “I know this sounds crazy but…” voice I told him what had happened. Chris woke up the next morning affirming in faith that we’d be adopting from Ethiopia. Each day since then God has shown us that we’re doing the right thing. This is His plan, not ours.